Ask For What You Want

I know we all hear that we can’t get what we want unless we ask. I know that even asking sounds ridiculous to some of us. It really did for me. It’s been hard in most of my relationships, but especially hard to ask  the universe. I guess it seemed selfish. I was raised to be a martyr. I was raised to put others before myself. I was raised….to be a woman.

I cringe as I write that, but really it’s true. If I asked for what I wanted I was called greedy or needy. Even in my adult life I’ve had men call me needy-simply for asking to have my needs met. I was taught that I needed to adapt my behavior, attitudes and langauge to suite everyone elses-especially if there was a man involved. And I learned the lessons really well. As most of you know I’ve felt lost. And how surprising is it? How could I possibly know myself when for almost 35 years I was a chameleon?

Slowing down to speed up

I’m a napper. I like naps. Through periods of my life I have terrible insomnia and napping is a way to continue working, raise kids and have some semblance of a life. Right now I’m sleeping pretty well and life has a better balance. I still like naps.

In the past few months I’ve updated on FB that I’m about to take a nap. Or that I need a nap. Or that I just had the best nap-you get the idea. The response I get is just amazing to me. I can’t believe

that people have such strong reactions to the idea that I’m actually resting in the middle of my day.

I’ll admit my first reaction is often to justify. To explain that I teach early morning classes or that I teach a lot or that when I cook it means being on my feet and working long, hard hours. Or that I don’t really have a day off. I have flexibility, but I work on some level every day. But that’s really more about me than them and the point is that we all need to slow down, no matter how busy our lives are.

Slowing down to speed up is one of the best lessons I’ve learned as a yogini, a mom and a business owner. I know it sounds silly to some, but if you can take some time just for yourself you will be a more productive and happy person. When I take time to just breathe or to rejuvenate or to let my mind be quiet I am so much better at being Melissa than when I wake up at 5am and go full blast until I can’t stand up anymore or bedtime comes, whichever is first. When I create space in my life I feel spacious and open and gracious and loving.  And I’m a better mom, wife and teacher for it.

I won’t deny that I went through my prideful Martha Stewart phase,

Muladhara-The Root Of It All

Chakra work is something that has fascinated me and scared me at the same time. I think the opening of the chakras can be incredible profound work, but as a teacher there is so much information about the chakras that I have avoided teaching anything but the most basic of information. This fall I decided to bite the bullet and teach what I know. After all, yoga is not about perfection. It’s about being on the path and the progress. And my students forgive me many things. They will take what I have and not berate me for what I don’t.

Change

I’m opening up myself for change. Really. Not like in the past. I swear.

Okay, so  after the Big birthday I decided there are things I want to embrace in my life and things i want to let go. I’ve been saying this for years. I thought I was working on it. Yesterday I asked for change. I told the universe I was sick and tired, I was ready and waiting, but I needed a sign. I needed something big.

My friend Jenn at Breed Em’ and Weep asked for a sign. She got a moose. She got a giant moose in the middle of the road staring at her. He didn’t cause an accident, he didn’t ram her car. He just stared at her and then walked off. Me? I lost my cell phone.

Okay, to be fair, she asked for a sign and I asked for change. And I get it. I really do. If I want to change, I have to change. My cell phone was two years old….at least. It was time for a new one, time for a new contract, time to mix it up. I can’t have something new unless I get rid of the old and frankly, I was holding on a little too tightly to my old trusty, shiny black, friendly cell. A phone is a phone to me. I liked my phone, but she didn’t do a lot. She made calls. And now she’s gone and I’m going to be okay. I asked for change and I got it.

But here’s the lesson….I can accept the reality of change  and can learn from this lesson or I can keep getting the lessons in bigger and more inconvenient ways. If the universe feels it’s being ignored, it will continue sending me the message in grander and more obvious ways. I’d rather just stop with my cell phone. If you’ve got a mind like mine, you’ve already gone to how bad it could get.

So, I’m focusing on change. Not because the universe wants me too, but because I asked the universe to help me. I know that I need to let go to allow new things in. I know that I don’t always get to choose how the change manifests. My plan? I don’t really have one. I’m going to focus on what’s right in front of me. I’m going to think about what I’d like. I’m going to focus on what isn’t serving me well anymore. I’m going to think about where I’m going.

And then, like my friend Patty says, I’m going to paddle like hell for shore.

Parenting and yoga

As my daughter gets older I find my hopes and desires as a parent and my yoga crashing into one another. This is a tough one for me. I am now the mom of a tween, but she’s soon to be a teen. As the months count down I’m really digging deep and reflecting on what yoga teaches me about parenting. But I guess, it’s more than yoga. It’s a compilation of wisdom that I call my belief system.