I think everyone who contemplates writing a blog thinks about all the implications. It’s open. It’s possibly raw. It’s demanding. It could get you fired. It’s a big deal. And yet, is it? For my daughter’s generation it’s just life as usual. But for some of us it really is a big deal.
And then we decide to make the jump and if you’re like me, Just Do It, takes on a new significance. it’s more than go for it. it’s also about Just Let Go. Because that’s what you need. You need to let go of the hope that everyone who reads you will love you. And let go of the hope that you’ll score 100 readers your first week…and keep them. You just need to release any ideas you might have had before you actually hit publish.
So we let go, right? We find that place between preening on the stage in second grade and revealing ourselves in creative writing Junior year. And we hope it means something. And instantly we compare ourselves. And to be fair I didn’t read anyone’s blog too much before I started one myself.
And yet I still compare myself. I see the eloquence in a sentence, or the progressive logic, or the honesty, in something someone else has written. And I throw my head down on the desk…..that’s how the typos keep happening. I wonder WHY didn’t I find that creative power in myself.
Figuring out how to sit at the computer every day and find connection through writing has been a very special experience for me. It’s reminded me that I thought I would be a writer. Not a writer like I am now, with the occasional article published every few years, but like Stephen King. I thought I would churn out book after book and be thought witty and funny and bright. Well, to be fair I didn’t aspire to King. I really wanted to be more literary.
This writing experiment has been good for me because it’s brought that back to me and also made me realize that I can still write. There are many, many kinds of writers and many ways to write. I am just one voice, but I am starting to like and appreciate that voice.
Blogging has brought me closer to me. Sometimes during these 22 days I’ve had to write something quickly. I’ve been too tired, too busy, too unwilling to find something deep and profound to write about and those posts have been the best lessons. I’ve learned that I don’t always have to be awesome, I just have to be me. I don’t always have to be funny or witty. I have to be honest and authentic. Writing has taught me how to access myself instantly without thinking about who i am or what I want to say. And since I’m pretty new at this I can only imagine all these good things will grow and develop more deeply with time.
I thought I had lost writing. I had that little voice in the back of my head that was saying I was too old, or that the opportunity had passed and now I find myself writing other things and am even considering some other ways of publishing what I write.
For all of this I am deeply grateful. You thought I’d forget? It’s gratitude Wednesday.