Oh, I’ve missed blogging. I’ve missed the sweet feedback. I’ve missed the ego-stroke of writing and knowing that SOMEONE is reading. I’ve missed vomiting the first thought that comes to my head (and then while laughing freely hitting delete and editing to be more …..socially acceptable….more yogic….more kind).
I’ve missed blogging and I’ve dreaded it. But I’m back. I’m so back.
As you may remember I turned 40 this summer. I stopped blogging before my fun weekend with college friends to celebrate the big event. It wasn’t purposeful, but I look back and see that it had a purpose.
I needed space. I needed a bit of quiet. I needed to turn in a bit and listen to myself. I needed to be grateful and acknowledge what I’ve learned.
So here’s my summer vacation. I did some other stuff, but this was the highlight.
I went to New Hampshire and had a fabulous long weekend that taught me I need to take care of myself, have fun and be with friends more. Some of these women I didn’t know well, hadn’t laid eyes on in 20 years, but we bonded in ways that only college alum can. They are a part of my history. Without knowing my day to day life well, they know who I am. They know me. And I know them and love them to death.
The weekend reminded me of who I used to be, shed light on who I’ve become and inspired me to find some balance of the two. I, in no way, want to be the earnest, rigid-in-her-high-minded-ideals high-energy woman that I once was. I like how I’ve mellowed, how I’ve learned acceptance and detachment (to a degree), but I do miss all the potential, power and strength that woman had. I have power and strength in a new way now, but I could use a bit more of that in-your-face-take-it-or-leave-it youthful arrogance. Just a little.
The women I was with are all strong in their own way, all terribly smart and accomplished. I started the weekend feeling a bit shy and nervous that I no longer fit in. And perhaps we all felt the same, but I think we settled into being reminded of how awesome we once were and really still are. As one woman updated on FB we connected with other high quality, high mojo women.
That was the most awesome update I’ve ever read on FB.
I am learning that I actually am high-quality. I am learning that I’m really high-mojo. I love it! I love that I am becoming who I always wanted to be.
I’m also learning to clarify my life. I’m learning to focus on what I want, not what I don’t want. I’m learning to transform. Janet Attwood says that clarity is power.
Slowly, I’m learning to be powerful.
Thanks to all the awesome women that helped me see me. I turned a corner that weekend. I love those experiences of clarity. I hope that we continue this gathering for the years to come. I see us turning 80 together. If somehow I’m wrong I will always have the invaluable insight, love and experience of having our weekend together and getting to know you all again.