Smacking into Myself

Okay, again I’ve been absent, but I have a really good excuse. Really! Really good.

Life has been awesome. I mean frickin awesome and I got carried away and forgot some stuff. Like posting, like checking in with my friends. I’m not reading blogs, nor am I blogging. I think you’ll forgive me, because this is good shit. I know, a yogi with a mouth like a sailor.

You’re dying to know right? I won the lottery?….um, I paid off all my debt and am moving to Hawaii? I lost weight, toned and am a glowing golden color by taking a pill…and oh, yeah I lost all the cellulite too. I hope you’re laughing. I hope you’re not holding your breath.

No, my life is pretty much the same. I still have the same debt. I still have a 13 year old who wishes the Earth would open up and swallow me whole. I still have a four year old who misses the toilet, shouts his name in his sleep and loves his Mom like he’ll never love another. I’m still overweight. I’m still clueless about a decent wardrobe. Basically, I’m still me.

But I learned to shake it up. I know it’s been a very short while, but I get it.  I’m learning that the universe wants my life to be as great as I want it to be. I’m learning to take chances, that being different is within my easy grasp and that the rewards of doing things differently are so awesome I never want to go back to the same old same old.

My life is shifting and changing and I swear it all started with a yoga pose. A few weeks ago I taught a pose that I hate.  I HATE this pose. I am never comfortable in it. There is too much Melissa to make this pose feel good. It’s just not good for my body. If it were 200 years ago (and I were a man) my guru would never suggest that my body learn this pose. So I don’t teach it. And I don’t practice it. But something led me to teach it a few weeks ago. And it was awesome!

It was shaking it up. I made my body do something different. I made my body do something my mind didn’t reall want it to. How uncommon is that? Don’t we usually let our minds decide what the path is? Don’t we usually enjoy being in our heads and let the body do whatever?

My mind is usually the place where reason and argument are fought, but this time I let my heart decide that it wanted to change. And then my brain let my body make the effort of change. My theory is that mixing it up physically affected a chemical change in my brain. Think about it. We go through our days doing the same thing over and over. When we act that way our brain does the exact same thing. We create ruts in our brain, literally. When we start to act differently the synapses fire differently. We create a new reality for ourselves.

I don’t want to promise streets paved with gold. I did a lot of prep work for the pose to work its magic. I was really craving change. I worked with my mentor identifying what wasn’t working. I meditated with change in my heart. I journaled about how I was feeling and what I wanted. I dreamed where I would go. I wanted my life to be different. There were things that I just couldn’t wrap my head around and the pose helped make the shift. I also don’t want to imply that you can just get into a new pose and change your life. I teach 13 classes a week. I practiced this pose with my students every time I taught it. So most days I was practicing this pose at least twice.

The biggest change was that I allowed myself to be uncomfortable and that’s fairly new for me. This pose makes my hips hurt, stretches areas of my quads that I didn’t know you could isolate, excites my core just to get into it and twists my spine in a way I never do. I always feel like I’m about to topple over. I always feel like my gut is hanging out and makes me wish my thighs were sticks instead of powerfully strong muscles that allow me to relax and find ease in tough poses.

Every single time we’re uncomfortable, either on the mat or off we have the opportunity to smack into ourselves and grow. And that’s what happened. I got uncomfortably challenged. I smacked into myself and when that happens I can either decide to change- the path of least resistence-or I can keep on being uncomfortable. The brain is always going to choose change over uncomfortable.  At least my brain will.

My brain likes being uncomfortable even less than it likes having to change. It may do it grudgingly, but every single time we’re all happy we did change. My brain, body and heart soar with the change. We think WHY didn’t we do that earlier. Why did we have to struggle so? Why can’t we remember that being uncomfortable is always a chance for growth and will always lead us to some good lesson?

Because we like our ruts. We like to lay on the couch and watch Brady Bunch reruns. We like the safe comfort of it. Changing is scary. Life is messy, yucky and well, uncomfortable. And my brain says Lay on the the couch. Have a few chips. Let’s just not worry about anything. And I do it. And I’m happy until I look at the cellulite on my thighs, can’t remember when I showered and don’t remember my kids names. Then I’m terribly angry at myself and an awful cycle of self-contempt, disapproval and hatred starts.

But here’s what I know. When I smack into myself  a little of that staid, comfortable, routine breaks off
and floats away and I uncover something shiny, bright and exciting. It’s always less painful than I think it will be. And that shiny brightness is possibility and it leads me to my best life. My best life in any moment is better than Marcia, Marcia, Marcia any day.

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4 responses to “Smacking into Myself

  1. I LOVE your blog today! I laughed out loud more than once, and I’m sure you can guess which parts!

    • WEll since I think you were probably as uncomfortable in that pose as I was AND you know my kids I think there was probably a lot you could relate to. See, people think I exaggerate about my kids, but you know the truth.

  2. Fantastic!!! xoxoxo

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